


Random Dialogue Stories

by Zetawolf



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 08:23:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zetawolf/pseuds/Zetawolf
Summary: Short one-shot stories/scenarios/drabbles featuring Thorin's Company based on a single line of randomly generated dialogue. Some chapters are connected (or at least take place in the same universe) and some are not.





	1. "She's old and it's about time she died." - Nori to Dori

**Author's Note:**

> This was pretty much a small exercise trying to get me back into writing again. It's been quite awhile since I stepped into this fandom.
> 
> I used this random dialogue generator: http://writingexercises.co.uk/dialogue-generator.php

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quiet, dark moment between two brothers

"She's old and it's about time she died," Nori growled lowly as he gently dabbed at the blackened eye of his elder brother.

Dori sighed, trying not to wince at the sting of the disinfectant. "You say that everytime you come home," he sighed tiredly.

"And I mean it every time, too," Nori snorted. "We can't let her get away with treating you like this, Dori. She has no right---"

"She was drunk at the time, Nori," Dori interrupted pleadingly. "She didn't mean to---"

"Dammit, Dori! That doesn't make it all right!" The younger brother threw the cleaning cloth to the ground, practically trembling with his rage.

Dori lowered his head and stared at his bloodied hands, unable to meet Nori's eyes. He knew that Nori was right; if Dori had found Nori in a similiar situation, he wouldn't have just stood by and bandaged his little brother time and time again. And yet... "She's our mother," he whispered softly.

Nori sighed and stood before the silver haired dwarf for a silent moment before crouching in front of his brother to catch Dori's eyes. "You deserve better, Dori," he stated with rare, soft sincerity, gently resting his fingers over his brother's.

Dori's eyes welled up and his bottom lip trembled as he found himself completely mute in face of his younger brother's genuine concern. However, a loud wail cut through the unusually tender moment between the siblings, shattering it completely.

With a groan, Dori got to his feet slowly, pulling away from his brother. He gave Nori a kind pat on the shoulder and a weak smile. "Ori needs changing," he stated before heading back into the darkened home.


	2. "We can't invite her. Mother hates her." - Fili to Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Fili handle preparations for Thorin's Wedding

"We can't invite her. Mother hates her," Fili sighed for the hundredth time that night. He rubbed his temples, trying to will away the ache that had been growing there since he and Kili had first sat down to make the guest list for their uncle's impending wedding. "Besides, Thorin hates her, too."  
  
"Thorin doesn't hate Tauriel," Kili argued. "He likes her more than any other elf... besides Elrond, anyway."  
  
Fili rolled his eyes. "He hates all elves besides Elrond, Kili."  
  
"He doesn't hate her," Kili insisted earnestly.  
  
Fili huffed in irritation. "Fine, Thorin doesn't hate Tauriel. Mom still does."  
  
"Only because she hasn't gotten to know her yet." Kili snatched the quill from Fili and wrote Tauriel's name on a placekeeper, which he slammed besides the one with his mother's name.  
  
Fili opened his mouth to keep arguing when he looked over at his brother and saw the infamously obstinate set of his jaw. At that moment, Fili knew that there was no winning with Kili. His brother had made up his mind and that was simply how things were going to be.  
  
With another long-suffering sigh, Fili raised his hands in frustration. "Fine," he declared. Very deliberately, Fili took the placekeeper with his own name and switched it to the table where Bofur and his family were placed, well away from the table his mother was placed at. "Then you're sitting beside mother and it'll be up to you to make sure she doesn't disrupt the happiest day of Thorin's life trying to kill the elf."  
  
Kili looked thoughtful for a moment, then his face lit up. He grabbed Dwalin's placekeeper and put it where Fili's had been. "There. Dwalin will keep mother too distracted to even notice that Tauriel is at the same table as her." Beaming like he'd just discovered the largest mithril vein in the mountain, Kili reached over and moved Fili's placekeeper back beside his. "And you and me can keep Tauriel entertained."  
  
Rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath about spoiled brats too used to getting their way, Fili shifted his attention back to the list in his hands. There were still dozens more of problematic guests to straighten out. Besides, he didn't want Kili to see the smile that kept wanting to creep up his face.  


	3. "This isn't just about you. It's about what's best for all of us." - Thorin to Fili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An argument between a king and his heir over an arranged marriage

"This isn't just about you. It's about what's best for all of us," Thorin snapped at Fili, getting up from his throne to glare down at his heir. However, the blond dwarf lifted his head to lock eyes with his uncle, his jaw set stubbornly.  
  
"What's best for all of us, or what's best for you?" Fili shot back accusingly.   
  
It was fortunate that Thorin had sent the rest of the Company out of the throne room before he'd informed Fili of his decision to marry him off to Thranduil's son. The King Under the Mountain never would have been able to stand for anyone, even his own kin, speaking to him in such an insolent tone if there had been anyone to witness it. His reputation had already suffered enough because his bout of dragonsickness.  
  
"We need to cement our alliance with Thranduil and his people," Thorin stated with barely controlled exasperation. "With something much stronger than tithes and pledges of loyalty."  
  
"So why don't YOU marry him?" Fili snapped. "You're the king and unmarried."  
  
Thorin's eyes flared. "You know that I have already found my One, even if our laws keep me from marrying him."  
  
"They didn't stop Bofur," Fili sneered. The next thing the blond dwarf knew, he was lying on the floor, pain radiating from his bright red cheek. Trying to get his head to stop spinning, Fili clumsily sat up just enough to spit out a mouthful of blood. It barely missed Thorin's boots, which Fili belated realized were extremely close.  
  
A thick-fingered hand grabbed onto Fili's shirt and Thorin yanked his nephew up to his toes so they were nose to nose. "Mention that traitor or my One again and you'll find yourself BEGGING to marry the elfling as quickly as possible," the king growled darkly, his eyes deadly serious.   
  
Fili swallowed thickly, recognizing that he'd stepped over the line. He should have known better than to bring up Bilbo and/or Bofur. After all, there was a reason why Thorin had banished them both after the Battle of Five Armies, despite Bilbo saving his life.  
  
"Yes, my king," the blond dwarf grumbled, eyes dropping submissively.  
  
"Good." Thorin released Fili so abruptly, the small dwarf took several stumbling steps back before regaining his balance. "Now get started on your proposal letter so you can begin your official courtship of Thranduil's son."   
  
With a stiff bow, Fili headed out of the throne room. While he was determined not to through with such a ridiculous arranged marriage, Fili was wise enough to know when to retreat and regroup. He'd write a letter, all right; one addressed to a certain burglar, the only one who'd ever truly stood up against Thorin, king or not.


	4. "You were always the quiet one." - Dain to Thorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment between Dain and Thorin on Thorin's Special Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This can been seen as connected to chapter 2

"You were always the quiet one," Dain chuckled softly, standing proudly in full royal garb at Thorin's side while Gandalf addressed all of the dwarves gathered before the throne of Erebor.  
  
Thorin snorted dismissively, fidgeting with his sparkling mithril crown for the hundredth time since the ceremony had started and trying to at least look like he was paying attention to Gandalf's words. "Who wouldn't be considered 'quiet' compared to you?" the king quipped with a small smile.  
  
"True," Dain agreed with an amused shake of his head. "Still, you're only proving what everyone says about 'quiet ones', you know. Marrying so soon after taking back your birthright is one thing, but to change our laws to do it..."  
  
"I didn't change them," Thorin huffed. "I simply put some of our more ancient customs back into practice."  
  
"Oh, aye, I suppose you did," Dain mused, stroking his bright red beard. "But, you know, there's a reason WHY we stopped allowing kings to marry more than one person."  
  
"Considering WHO I'm marrying, I doubt very much I'll have to worry about any battles of successions occuring," Thorin pointed out dryly, obvious becoming more impatient as Gandalf droned on.  
  
Dain opened his mouth to tease his cousin a bit more when Thorin instantly stiffened and his eyes grew amazingly wide. The red haired dwarf shifted his attention to the opening of the throne room where Thorin's gaze was focused and grinned at the strange sight that'd never been seen in Erebor---or any dwarves kingdom---before  this day.  
  
Bilbo was decked out in full royal robes so heavy and thick, he was obviously having trouble moving without stumbling as he slowly made his way towards  the king and his cousin, face red from all the attention his entrance drew. He was muttering something under his breath, but, even though he could see the buglar's lips moving, Dain couldn't hear exactly what he was saying.  
  
Walking just as precariously and looking equally uncomfortable as the hobbit, Bofur followed a footstep behind Bilbo, his eyes darting about as if he were looking for an escape route. The crown braided into his hair made wearing his trademark hat impossible, but the attendants had apparently been unable to make the miner relinquish It completely. Bofur hugged his ridiculous hat tight to his chest like a dwarfling carrying a security blanket.  
  
Seeing the fear in the miner's face, Bilbo reached out and took Bofur's hand in his, squeezing it comfortingly. Bofur looked down at the hobbit and managed a shaky smile, which was, of course, returned by Bilbo. Taking courage from the hobbit, Bofur took a deep breath and, still holding onto Bilbo's hand, continued down the red carpet leading to the throne.  
  
"Only you cousin..." Dain started, but when he turned back to Thorin, there was a look of such profound love (along with a gleaming touch of lust) in the king's bright blue eyes as he gaze upon the absurd pair that the Lord of the Iron Hills trailed off without finishing his tease. He was even more stunned when Bilbo and Bofur looked over at Thorin with the exact same looks on their faces as well. For once, Dain decided that HE would be the quiet one while Thorin received the happiness he'd always deserved.


	5. "Am I supposed to be scared now?" - Bofur to Dwalin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin tries to do his duty to Thorin and finds himself at a lost

"Am I supposed to be scared now?" Bofur asked, smiling brightly at the tall dwarf looming over him.  
  
Dwalin scowled, put out by the fact that his usual tactics weren't having any effect on the miner and unsure how to proceed.  
  
When Balin had informed him that Thorin was spending an "inappropriate" amount of time with a traveling toymaker (who part-timed as a miner when there was work for it), Dwalin had known what he had to do. It'd seemed like an easy enough task for the warrior. All he had to do was confront said dwarf, interrogate him to determine his true interest in their exiled king, make sure he was too scared to even THINK about trying anything with Thorin, then go back and report his success to Balin.  
  
Dwalin had done it before the handful of times that Thorin had gotten to the point where his desire for companionship overruled his typically suspicious nature. While Thorin would never know it, Dwalin had stopped all sorts of potential problems in their tracks before Thorin was even aware that there'd been a problem. However, the tattooed dwarf had finally hit a wall in the form of Bofur, son of Bimfor.  
  
"I get what you're sayin'," Bofur had the nerve to continue on with his smile firmly in place. "But I don't have any plans on doing more than sharing a few drinks and stories with Thorin. Unless there's some law forbidding such things from happening between Longbeards and folks who aren't Longbeards, what's the problem?"  
  
Dwalin opened and closed his mouth, struggling for something to say, some threat to make. But nothing came to mind as the miner continued to smile at him as if they were two old friends having a jolly chat.  
  
Smile widening even more in amusement at Dwalin's reaction, Bofur gave the large dwarf a pat on the back and swung his arm over the bigger dwarf's shoulders. "C'mon, m'lad, let's go have a pint or two and maybe your next threat will come back to you," he teased.  
  
Dwalin grumbled about thick headed fools who were too dumb to scare properly as he followed Bofur's lead back into the tavern.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up Bofur's father's name (Bimfor). I tried to do something that was fitting for the Ur family.


	6. "You embarrassed me this evening." - Thorin to Kili and Fili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Fili get in trouble for the sake of family

"You embarrassed me this evening," Thorin growled at the two young dwarves who stood before him as he slammed the door closed. The king had held his temper just long enough to get his nephews alone in the privacy of the royal wing before he ripped into the pair for their recent behavior.  
  
Standing beside his younger brother, Fili had the good sense to look ashamed. Kili, however, refused to bow his head as he typically would when getting scolded by their uncle. Blood trickled down from the corner of his mouth and from his hairline wear a ring had cut him, but he still looked fiercely back at Thorin.  
  
"He insulted Bofur and Bilbo," the thin dwarf stated matter of factly.  
  
"He is Dain's son and heir," Thorin shot back. "Do you have any idea the trouble you could have made for us?"  
  
"I don't care," Kili snapped. "All of the Company is family now, and no one gets away with insulting my family."  
  
"Thorin Stonehelm is your family," Thorin corrected his nephew. "He is of royal blood."  
  
"So that makes it all right that he called Bilbo and Bofur unnatural abominations?" Fili stepped in quietly. His swollen black eye refused to open all the way, but his gaze remained steady as he met Thorin's stormy blue eyes.  
  
Thorin bit back an irritated growl, fighting to keep his temper. "No," he answered with his jaw clenched stubbornly. "Of course not. But you should have corrected him without resorting to starting a brawl in the middle of the Gallery of Kings."  
  
"Fine," Kili snorted. "Next time we'll take him to Bilbo's garden to beat the---"  
  
"Kili!" Thorin interrupted the younger dwarf. "That sort of behavior is exactly what I'm getting tired of." Eyeing both of his nephews up and down, taking in their torn and dirtied clothling, he stated, "You're no longer a pair of dwarflings running wild in the Blue Mountains. You are sons of Durin, heirs of Erebor, and you need to start acting like it."  
  
"Defending our honor and the honor of our loved ones is more important than our public image," Fili declared firmly.  
  
Kili nodded in fierce agreement. "And we'll do it whenever---and wherever---we have to."  
  
Thorin eyed the two young dwarves sharply and, when they both refused to look away from his intense gaze, felt the anger drain out of him. He shook his head and let out a small huff of begrudging amusement. "Stubborn children," he muttered under his breath, trying to hide the immense feeling of pride that swelled within his chest.


	7. "How, exactly, did you think that having an affair would help our marriage?" Thorin to Bilbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo plots a way to make Thorin, Bofur, and himself quite happy, but gets interrupted and has to throw his plan out the window

"How, exactly, did you think that having an affair would help our marriage?" Thorin sneered, glaring daggers at the hobbit who stood before him in nothing but his bathrobe.  
  
Bilbo rolled his eyes, completely unashamed despite the situation, unlike poor Bofur, who squirmed in his seat, eyes glued to the ground. The miner hadn't spoken a single word since Thorin had unexpectedly walked in on him and Bilbo in a rather compromising position.   
  
"I'm not having an affair. I'm trying to seduce Bofur for the both of us," Bilbo declared firmly.  
  
Thorin rocked back on his heels, completely unprepared for such a response from his typically sensible hobbit. "What?"  
  
Bilbo shifted back, resting comfortably against Bofur. "I've seen you, Thorin Oakenshield. You want Bofur as badly as I do."  
  
Bofur made an incredulous noise, which he promptly cut off in order to not draw Thorin's attention to him. Unfortunately, it did just the opposite. Thorin's eyes shot to the miner and, much to Bofur's surprise, a deep blush spread across the king's cheeks.  
  
"I do not---" Thorin started, only to be cut off by a sharp gesture from Bilbo.  
  
"Don't even try to pretend, Thorin," the hobbit declared, softly stroking Bofur's knee comfortingly. "You forget, love, that I happen to know exactly how you look when you're thinking about bedding someone, and that's how you always look at Bofur as soon as he's turned away from you."   
  
Bofur made another strangled noise of protest; there was no WAY that Thorin would... yet the king's blushed darkened even more and he pointed shifted his gaze to not look at Bofur or Bilbo.  
  
Bilbo sighed and, taking pity on his emotional constipated husband, slipped off of Bofur and closed his robe tightly before moving to Thorin's side. Gently, he cupped the dwarf's bearded face in his small hands and kissed the king softly. "Maybe I did go about this the wrong way," the hobbited admitted, much to the surprise of both dwarves present. "BUT," Bilbo quickly continued, "I know I'm not wrong about how you feel about Bofur, or how he feels about you." Glancing over at the miner, Bilbo grinned mischievously. "The only thing I wasn't quite certain of was how Bofur feels about me, which was what I was in the middle of checking out when you interrupted us."  
  
"Bilbo..." Bofur managed to start, but he trailed off as his mind completely blanked on what he wanted to say.  
  
Thorin straightened up and tried to regain his composure to be the decisive, sharp ruler that he always tried to present himself as. "Even if you are correct, Bilbo, that doesn't change the fact that I made a vow to you---"  
  
"Will being with Bofur make you stop loving me?" Bilbo asked pointedly.  
  
 "No!" Thorin's denial was instantaneous and without conscious thought.  
  
Bilbo nodded approvingly. "Neither will I change in my love for you. So what's stopping us?"  
  
"Aside from Bofur's consent in this foray into madness?" Thorin asked dryly, but there was a hint of serious apprehension in his dark blue eyes that made Bilbo's heart ache. So much had been taken away from Thorin, it was nearly painful for him to hope for further happiness.  
  
"Well, let's double check on that then," Bilbo declared with another kiss to his husband's lip before he turned to face the miner once again. Smiling brightly, the hobbit asked, "Bofur, son of Bimfor, will you do me and Thorin, King Under the Mountain, the most gracious honor of allowing the pair of us to court you?"  
  
Unable to believe what he was seeing, Bofur did the only thing that seemed appropriate. He shakily stood up, opened his mouth... and promptly dropped to the ground in a dead faint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Bofur's father's name (Bimfor) is my own creation.


	8. "Give me one good reason why I should wear a dress." - Bilbo to Dori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dori has the "honor" of getting Bilbo prepared for his big day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can be seen as connected to Chapter Two and Chapter Four

"Give me one good reason why I should wear a dress," Bilbo demanded sharply, backing into the corner of the dressing room and practically bristling.  
  
Dori sighed for what he was sure was the thousandth time since they'd started Bilbo's fitting. "It's not a dress, Bilbo. They're traditional dwarven wedding robes."  
  
The hobbit looked over the long draping robes in Dori's hands and scowled. "It's a dress," he insisted. "It buttons in the back!"  
  
"Only the under robe," Dori explained, his patience wearing incredibly thin with the burglar. "No one is going to see you in that except Thorin and Bofur---"  
  
"I don't want either of them to see me in a dress!" Bilbo proclaimed, scandalized.  
  
"Bofur is going to be wearing the same thing," Nori casually informed the hobbit, stepping in to help save his brother's frayed nerves. While it'd been fun in the beginning watching Dori try to deal with their surprisingly stubborn burglar, things are starting to head into tedious territory. "So is Thorin. Neither of them will have any room to talk about what you're wearing."  
  
For the first time in hours, Bilbo's brown eyes lost the look of wariness and suspicion. "Really?"  
  
"Yes, I swear." Nori grinned as he added in hopes of calming Bilbo, "I'll even show you them once Bofur's done with his fitting."  
  
For several heartbeats, Bilbo seemed to consider if he wasn't going to believe Nori or continue his protests against his planned wedding attire. However, before Dori could lose his temper, Bilbo reluctantly backed away from his protective corner. Taking a deep breath, he held out his arms to Dori and grumbled, "All right. I'll try them on."  
  
"Thank Mahal," Dori whispered as he handed the items to the hobbit.  
  
Nori placed a placating hand on his brother's thick shoulder as they watched Bilbo enter the changing room. "Just consider yourself lucky, Dori."  
  
"Lucky?" Dori snorted in disbelief.  
  
"Yep," Nori chuckled. "At least you aren't going to have to be the one you will need to break the news to Bofur that he won't be able to wear his hat down the aisle."


End file.
